What am I feeling

Yesterday was one of the worst days I have had in forever. After I wrote my post I just broke down feeling like I had no control or power and any motivation to go do anything. It sucked. And I lied in my post I said all the right things that God is good and He has power and I love Him. And that is true. But as I thought about it I kept saying it to myself I can't find God but actually I couldn't seek Him. I wanted control and felt like I was losing it. I have felt this before and I do HAVE to give God complete and total control. I am so broken right now and very humbled and I want God and I want to come in like a consuming fire!! Lord wrap me up in your love!