Weekend in Nebraska!

I had a wonderful time experiencing Gods beauty in nature this weekend and really living a different life than my own and showing it to my best friend. I loved spending time with my family and getting to love them through whatever else they did. God is so faithful even with my phone almost crashing and my cousin driving me crazy! I just got to feel His love and blessings and take a nice break from work:). It can be so exhausting with all God calls us to but He also wants to give us rest! Take the time He gives you!! God is so amazing and soooo cool!! I am in love with Him and never want to stop loving Him! He is so powerful and works in amazing ways. 

Smoothies at the tractor pull!

Love!

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:9-21 NIV). 

I was thinking today about "love never fails". And that even though sometimes we may not feel like loving others or want to love them if we pray and let God reform and work in our hearts and let His love sink in that love can't fail us. It won't let us down and it won't let others down. No matter what evil has been done to you it was also done to God and we ourselves have committed some sort of evil against God too. It clearly states to not repay evil with evil. Well I work with kids every day, and there is one boy in particular that I love but that can't get so angry so fast and it seems like we can't stop him. He literally NEEDS to get his anger out. It can be scary and although not all adults lash out in physical violence they do tend to repay evil with evil.  Our vengeance may just be to gossip or spread rumors and that is repaying evil for evil. Saying slanderous things about a person is sin and very hurtful. Preventing those people from future oppurtunities is not what Jesus would choose. They choose in their hearts to not love that person anymore. They say I don't care about them anymore and I want God to punish them I want them to get what they deserve. Did Jesus say that when the people He was dying for were murdering Him? No, He said Father forgive them. It hurt Him so badly not only physically but emotionally too. And yet He was not mad at us or want to repay us. I think of Elisabeth Elliot whose very own husband was murdered by people for reasons only God knows. She wasn't bitter or vengeful. Instead she continued to love those killers of her husband and follow in her husbands footsteps. She and her daughter lived with those same people. She fed them and clothed them and most importantly loved them. And the reason she could do all of that? She didn't become obsessed with her own problems and struggles but instead turned to God and cried out to Him and she knew His greatness and holiness. She let there be a river of love flowing inside her and she just could notj contain it! 

I believe it is also important to be ready to be wherever God has you but also be ready to be humbled and share in others joys and rejoice with them without jealousy. And pray and love others who are not as blessed as us. But not thinking wow I am so glad I don't have to live this way but instead saying how can I use what I have to show them the mightiness of God. And saying Lord if you call for me to live here or in worse conditions I WILL remain faithful to You. I will not be bitter or turn away but I will love others with all I NEED, You!!

Finally I love "cling to what is good."  What is good is God. Cling, latch onto, grab a hold of, remain in God! Stay away from evil or any gray areas and say God you are greater than this temptation you fill my thirst. If I am in a desert you will provide my way. Don't waiver from the ways of God. It seems simple but it is Very very very difficult at times! Let God overcome you and all your struggles don't let Satan take control of your life win the battle, it is so worth it! I am praying for God to win over your lives!

Date night with my girl!

I love kids and even though I am with them all the time most days they still bring joy to my life! I love the kids I babysit they are so wonderful. God has given me so many wonderful kids in my life. My little Jaeley Rae and I got to go shopping last night and eat at the mall and get ice cream and just hang out! God blessed our time so much. I believe it is so important to pour into kids and show them how much you love them! Spend as much time with the kids in your life as you can! I had so much fun hanging out with her and shopping which we both love:). 

Target shopping:). 

Massage chair time!

What is humility

A modest or low view of ones importance. As humans we can tend to get all high and mighty, especially here in America, and just think we can do it all and we have it all together and are just great. We don't realize what sinful people we are and what the depth of our need for God is! We should be doubting how much we can do as humans and not doubting the power of God and His word! 

In the same way, you who are younger, submit yourselves to your elders. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. (1 Peter 5:5-6 NIV). 

Humility is being humbled and having meekness. It's not completely about thinking less of yourself but thinking about yourself less. God created us and He knows more about us and everything else than we can possibly understand and has been around I don't even know how many times longer than us! He knows what He is doing:). 

“The student is not above the teacher, nor a servant above his master. (Matthew 10:24 NIV). 

Jesus was the Son of God, and He was executed. He didn't whine and say I am too good for this, I don't deserve this pain or I can find my own way out of this. No. He submitted to God and said God you will lead me through this. Because He knew that He would find no better pleasure or joy here than He would in eternity with God His Father. He knew God had a plan. And even though all these people that wanted Him dead after He had helped so many, He still died for them. He knew there was a greater need that He had to fill. And if we can't understand that and how much love there is in that action and the life He lived than we are doubting God. And we also need to understand that to put it into practice in our life to find the need and fill it and not just let it figure itself out. 

Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. (James 1:21 NIV). 

When we are humble we are able to take criticism from others and not be upset or angered. We are more free to love and honor God and truly be in awesome fellowship with Him! We can accept that we aren't perfect and that we will make mistakes. Being humble doesn't deny your self worth it just allows you to not think about yourself all the time or try to be perfect. 

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. (Ephesians 4:2 NIV). 

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. (Philippians 2:3-4 NIV). 

if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land. (2 Chronicles 7:14 NIV). 

Humility is the fear of the Lord; its wages are riches and honor and life. (Proverbs 22:4 NIV). 

How to love the unlovable

We all have those people that ugh just make us crazy! Or we want to love them and they don't want us to or act like they are to cool for us. It can be anything from someone who wronged us, is "cooler" than us, has something we want, dislikes you or just you don't get a good vibe from. No matter what though the only thing I believe you are aloud to have in your heart for that other person is love. That doesn't mean you have to have coffee with them every week or get them birthday gifts. Sometimes we can really convince yourself and believe the lies that they are evil or did wrong you and they might've wronged you. But every single one of us have wronged and sinned against God. We have all done horrible things to Him and still continue to do. We pray for things to fill the need that only He can fill, we try and fill our hearts with things other than Him. But again and again God loves us with a deeper love than anyone here on earth has for us. 

We can start by loving others just by telling others little things that mean a lot or texting it to them or writing to them. Saying I care about you, you are doing a great job, you are awesome, thanks for all you do, thanks for who you are. Then pray a prayer for them. Ask God to give you a love for them. Pray for them in Christ that they may have an abundance in Him! Write down your thoughts positive and negative and write why you have the positive ones and how you can change the negative ones. Just continue to make the choice in your heart to love them. 

I believe we are not aloud to have hate or dislike for anyone no matter how annoying or crazy or how rude they are. They are a child of God, God did make them in His image. They do in some way reflect Him. The challenge is to ask yourself is there anyone who you are not loving in your heart? It has to change or that bitterness will build up and deeply damage your relationship and love for God. If you can't love the imperfect people how do you expect God to love you? He still will but right do we have that He doesn't? None! He is the creater of the universe and us. I follow His ways! 

Special days!

Today is the day a year ago that I overcame a deep sin and redirected to myself to The Lord. I remember being in tears on this day and just thinking why am I crying? I am doing this to myself I am choosing to sin. I thought I was stuck but God spoke right into my ear and said I love you and care about you. He brought others into my life that would encourage and help me focus on God and remember what that day meant! I think it is very important to remember those special days we spend with God and with others and what they mean to us. I had loving people that made this day awesome for me as well. I was just praising God today for Him bringing my heart to where He did a year ago. It's good to celebrate and praise God for what He has done! Don't ever forget it! We should celebrate what we overcome!

I'm exhausted

Tonight I was laying on the couch after being at work for 9 hours my first day back after getting my wisdom teeth out and I had like 20 texts all from different people and I just let out a huge sigh. I just realized I am exhausted I have no real strength of my own. Last night I was feeling really sick and just weak and I just realized I need God. I literally won't make it through tomorrow without on my own I needed God. I am so sick of trying to do things on my own and I truly can't anymore. I need God every instant before I am exhausted and on my knees crying out to God. Before I get to the point of being worn out I should have God in my heart! There are so many wonderful people in my life that I love and care about but I can not in my own time meet with all of them and love of them in my own strength. I want to be able to pour into all of them but I need God to do it. There is no strength in my own muscles and mind but there is in Gods great big and wonderful spirit! We don't have to do it on our own anymore! Sometimes it takes some true humbling to realize how little we can do without and just how BIG God truly is! Tonight I was just amazed at the fact that I can't even understand how big and mighty God is. I just truly can't even comprehend it! He is able of way more than I have any idea. He is so cool:). 

Caring people

I am so very thankful for all the people in my life who care about me and serve me. Everyone that is there for me in the little ways and the big ways. Even all the people that pray for me it does a tremendous amount. I am so overwhelmed by all the people that have cared about me these last couple of days and loved me. Yesterday a wonderful friend and mom of people that I babysit for surprised me with ice cream out of the blue! And I just thought why would they think to care for me or make time in their busy schedule? Because God did it all. Even in the most inconvenient times God will allow for you to serve others! It has just blessed me with the way others care for me and all I can do to care for others. It's a challenge to care and serve others sometimes but give it to God, He will give you the strength.  

Speaking or doing?

When it comes to following Jesus it is so much more important to go out and DO. Not just to sit and plan and talk about it. Planning is important and to appropriately let God lead you and guide you through the process but I think it is also crucial to take action before Gods timing has passed. You must not be worried about reaching millions at once and trying to get to everyone all at one time but to see the small ones. Go to the ones that seem unworthy and show them God is worthy of their trust. Jesus only really discipled to 12 people and they went and spread the word even more. Don't keep talking about it, start small but start! 

Wisdom teeth surgery

I had a lot of anxiety going into this surgery and a lot of tears came with that. I didn't know what to do or who to turn to. I turned to God in my tears and asked Him to calm me down and lead me through it and He made it very easy for me! 

It is a very humbling state to be in and God is taking away the pain! 

Here's my heart

I love this song by Crowder right now! It just takes a really cool glance into saying Lord I give you my heart and I give it all to you. I am laying it right here in front of you and you can see it. This heart is no longer mine but it is yours. The lyrics are just so encouraging that in The Lord our heavenly Lord we are made His and made pure. We have a new life, the only life possible and we have a new breath! Oh my! It is so amazing the breath God gives us and allows us to live in. It's overwhelming how amazing God is! He literally never fails, He is so perfect and so gracious! Lord you are Lord of all and creater of all things and to you I owe everything to! And because of all you have done for me here is my heart. You can have my heart and make me strong and able and make my life you. Lord consume me. The other day I was driving home from my grandparents and saw a church and I just thought I am so glad God exists and that we have freedom to worship Him! But wait we wouldn't exist without Him! He is so amazing and powerful! Praise to you Jesus Christ! 

Over time great works will be seen

Over the weekend I was making bracelets just because:). But these are so exhausting! One on my ankle took 3 hrs and this one ended up taking 5 hours to finish. It seems so ridiculous and pointless while it's happening and like you aren't getting anywhere. At first it's really confusing and you can't tell where the strands are at and where they should go. But over time everything seems to start falling into it's place. You can see the connections and where things go, you can see the result of doing something right or wrong. There are still mistakes but it all works out together still! At first you can't tell what's happening or how it will look at all and you can't quite see what looks good or bad but overtime you do see the damage from doing something wrong. 

It's the same way with God and sin. At the time or might not seem like the sin is that bad or will cause very much pain or damage but as time goes on it does ruin Gods perfect masterpiece. And at the beginning you might not be able to tell where you are supposed to go and it may look like a sloppy mess and you just have to trust God. And even when you do mess up God can still tie the knots together to make it look good! It's not ruined, the picture can be fixed. All because of Gods great grace! He is able and will pull you back together. Don't doubt what He is doing or the troubled spot you may be in but instead look forward to the end and don't think about the back aches or the exhaustion or how pointless it may seem. Have an eternal view and see what God is doing overall, not in that exact moment. 

By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as a wise builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should build with care. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. If anyone builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, their work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each person’s work. If what has been built survives, the builder will receive a reward. If it is burned up, the builder will suffer loss but yet will be saved—even though only as one escaping through the flames. (1 Corinthians 3:10-15 NIV). 

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” (James 4:13-15 NIV). 

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. (2 Peter 3:9 NIV). 

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. (Ecclesiastes 3:11 NIV)

How I work

God has created each of us very specially and I really like to know where I am at in life and where I am going and what I am doing. It gives me an uneasy feeling to not know my plans. I believe God created me to be organized to serve certain purposes in His plan. But my organization can be used against God too. If I become too worried about being organized and trying to have control and making my own plans than I am not leaving room for God. Now how God created me was to be organized and lead up ministry activities and organize events for Gods glory. I love how He created me BUT satan can use that against me and the people in my life. Satan can use our strengths and make them weaknesses. It's okay that I like to have every detail planned out but I can't hold everybody else to the exact same standards. I have to being willing to give others grace in areas where it's not their strength. If everybody else doesn't follow exactly what I want them to do in my mind I do not have the right to be upset with them! It's important to recognize our strengths and acknowledge that not everyone has those. I can hold myself to standards but like God being perfect (not that I am in any way perfect) that He gives grace to those who fall and sin. Allow others to make mistakes and grow and learn. Be their teacher and guide and don't call them out on being stupid. I have learned a lot from working with others this summer and with kids. They do they craziest and sometimes stupidest things that I don't understand in any way! But I have to encourage them and not let them feel bad. Because if I am rude to them or hurt them I am not being a good witness to Jesus. Jesus rebukes and teaches but He doesn't yell and hurt. We are always trying to be more like Him! 

Your great grace finds me

I think lately I have kind of been in a rut and have been standing still. I have been going through the motions of every day and having emotions but I haven't been alive for God. I haven't been praising Him or digging deeper to learn more about Him. Until 2 days ago I don't feel like I was really worshipping Him full heartedly either. I had stopped listening to music in my free time but now that I have again God has just used it in incredible ways to speak to me and move my heart. Sometimes I don't have time for anything but music and God still uses it tremendously. I have been learning a lot about Gods grace lately. And just that there is so much more to Him than forgiveness. He forgives and He sets us free and gives us freedom to grow and love and rejoice! Before I start talking about grace I wanted to share some scripture that's been on my heart. And it's that no matter when or how someone excepts Jesus and comes to work for Him, He is ready and will give you the same reward as anybody else. You might not have been picked first and you might have stood around all day waiting for work or to find something but even in the 11th hour God will except you and give you the same prize as all. So it is also important to not compare yourself to others and say well I have been loving God since 2005 so I am better off than you. No, we are all simply just children of God in His great masterpiece! 

“For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire workers for his vineyard. He agreed to pay them a denarius for the day and sent them into his vineyard. “About nine in the morning he went out and saw others standing in the marketplace doing nothing. He told them, ‘You also go and work in my vineyard, and I will pay you whatever is right.’ So they went. “He went out again about noon and about three in the afternoon and did the same thing. About five in the afternoon he went out and found still others standing around. He asked them, ‘Why have you been standing here all day long doing nothing?’ “ ‘Because no one has hired us,’ they answered. “He said to them, ‘You also go and work in my vineyard.’ “When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his foreman, ‘Call the workers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last ones hired and going on to the first.’ “The workers who were hired about five in the afternoon came and each received a denarius. So when those came who were hired first, they expected to receive more. But each one of them also received a denarius. When they received it, they began to grumble against the landowner. ‘These who were hired last worked only one hour,’ they said, ‘and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the work and the heat of the day.’ “But he answered one of them, ‘I am not being unfair to you, friend. Didn’t you agree to work for a denarius? Take your pay and go. I want to give the one who was hired last the same as I gave you. Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?’ “So the last will be first, and the first will be last.” (Matthew 20:1-16 NIV). 

Grace is getting what you don't deserve, and not getting what you do deserve. It is God showing love to the unworthy. I can feel grace most when I am broken and humbled and on my knees crying out to Him and needing Him! For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. (Titus 2:11 NIV). Everyday we live by Gods grace. He allows us to do the things that He provides and commands us to do. He allows us to be forgiven and not have things held over our heads. He allows us to live in freedom and to walk in new life. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— (Ephesians 2:8 NIV). I think it is so cool that nothing we can do can make God give us grace. He just wants to love us and show us mercy that we in no way deserve because at heart we are sinners. No matter what God will reach out to us and transform our lives. No one receives more grace than others it is about us accepting that grace and living through His great grace. As Chris Tomlins song goes this is amazing grace that you would be my king that you would die for me. It's already been done. The suffering has been suffered and we do NOT have to! We get to live and be alive!!!

My Prince Charming

This world is full of crazies. I am crazy. The kids I work with are crazy. The only one who isn't crazy is Jesus Christ. My heart aches at times for how horrible things are and the terrible things we have to fight. I hate the things that some kids have to put up with. It sucks it truly does. I hate the things that I have to go through at times. But there is only one plus side. As deep and dark as we can feel God can bring us not only out of that darkness but into more light than we were in before. As impossible and terrifying it may seem we have to find the courage deep in our hearts and pain to let God bring joy into our lives! It's all about letting God do it. 

I work with some crazy but wonderful and sometimes horrible children. Sometimes I want to fall down and cry. But the other day this kid that can be super naughty has had some change of heart. When I give him love and attention he cares and wants to be good. Kids need us to meet them in their needs. He needs love. What do the people in our lives need? Ask God to help us figure it out. My little Owen has changed my heart and stolen it. He brought me a flower and breakfast people yesterday. God sent me a blessing in return from our love. 

What am I feeling

Yesterday was one of the worst days I have had in forever. After I wrote my post I just broke down feeling like I had no control or power and any motivation to go do anything. It sucked. And I lied in my post I said all the right things that God is good and He has power and I love Him. And that is true. But as I thought about it I kept saying it to myself I can't find God but actually I couldn't seek Him. I wanted control and felt like I was losing it. I have felt this before and I do HAVE to give God complete and total control. I am so broken right now and very humbled and I want God and I want to come in like a consuming fire!! Lord wrap me up in your love!